Tonight, over Thai, we talked about graduation and work prospects etc. Truthfully, I'm more than a bit concerned about going freelance if I'll be my own boss/colleague/lunch company. Further to this, I wonder how this will affect me socially. I'm aware of how easily I can alienate myself, and quite often I work/function so well by myself that I don't want it to be the core part of my routine.
As I said here, the amount of time I spend lodged in an endless stream of internalised monologues is incredibly cushy. In a strange way I feel like my daydreaming means I'm not up to the real world. I worry that I'm not up to being this adult or any adult. I then wonder how I'll manage being in charge of everything when I can't say "I'm a student" and that's enough said.
I'm terrible at making decisions and I want so much for the future to be full of things that I learn from and look forward to. I want there to be constructive mistakes and beneficial losses. I hope I'm up to being in a team, and that the person I can be by myself is someone I can feel confident to be around others too.
Sometimes I worry the vernacular I have with my boyfriend, family and a few others is something I'll never achieve in all my relationships. The crazy part is that I love being around other people just as much as I'm comfortable in my own company. More than anything I worry that if it were flipped, would it be the same the other way round.
This post puts the mental buzz together too.
...
Quote from Alice in Wonderland,
but the picture, I'm not sure (?)
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